the glamorous calm before the oncoming storm.
this 1st post goes out to three people:
Lola- your post lit a fire under my ass, and you remain iconic and humble. i am so grateful for you, and all women like you.
Jasper- yes we ended up here unexpectedly, but we got this, i know we do.
Beloved- “Te Amaré. that one thing won’t change.”
just under a year ago i was writing a post on my Tumblr blog. i was working a volunteer gig as a promo-girl for Pin-Up Perfection Photography at their booth for Vancouver’s TABOO Sex Show, which was honestly a lot of fun. i got to be an interactive pinup girl, amongst the few minority models in the booth at all [if in fact i wasn’t the only one there!] and my contribution to the group was the facilitation of making t-shirts with the company logo for everyone, since i worked at a custom t-shirt shop. the post was really about my wanting to continue working as a model and performer because of all the positive feedback i got from that event from the occasional black woman who walked past the booth and couldn’t help but smile at me, because i presented the notion to them that black girls could be pin-ups too, and i wanted to join the ranks of people like Angelique Noire, one of my modern-day style inspirations. i had also been featured on a Buzzfeed post not too long after of ‘modern pin-ups’ which was very humbling [and a needed ego-boost, not gonna lie!] and i wanted to use that as a positive sign that i could use 2015 as the year to step up my game, so to speak.
that post was never finished or published because a few days after that event [and after completing the shirt order for my friends which was good business for my store, i must add], i was let go.
thus began a… rather tumultuous 2015, if i can say so.
i was never able to regain steady employment, and it eventually had disastrous consequences for my ability to live and work in Canada. hell, the last job i had cost me the chance to work with a local lingerie store in their fashion show, and in the end it didn’t matter anyway because i was let go from that job anyway. *womp womp*
but at the same time, this year was not devoid of enjoyment. it’s easy to look bad and see all the things i probably could’ve done to progress further as a creative person, but i don’t want to downplay the accomplishments of this past year either:
- going on tour with my friends in Geekenders and bringing Star Wars to the Yukon, Victoria and Sechelt- in turn seeing parts of BC that i never would’ve on my own! i also got to perform a 12-day summer show of our first show A Nude Hope to raucous acclaim. and of course, it only made sense to close off my 2015 as a Vancouver-based performer with them with a final visit to my very first nerdlesque role, Lando Calrissian.
- i worked on making more original routines- my first solo routine as Lt Uhura from Star Trek: TOS! i debuted the number at Beam Me Up Sexy right before my birthday and it remains my favorite number to do~ i also got to create my first duet- choreographing a number i once pulled out of my butt last-minute into a respectable nerdlesque number and something i’m also very proud of!
- dipping my world into the world of go-go dancing thanks to Lydia DeCarllo! between my summer stints of being a tropical go-go girl for both Go-Go Bungalow and Mondo Exotica [RIP to a great show, btw] i got to meet and befriend amazing performers, and dance away to my heart’s content to both retro tunes and the occasional soca treat. as far as being a Caribbean gal who loves to dance, it was the closest to home i felt!
- working with Burgundy Brixx- technically this happened at the end of 2014 but the bulk of my working relationship with the crew at Kitty Nights West happened this year. i had opportunities to sub in as part of the Viva Vancouver dancers as well as perform as a featured guest or go-go girl a few times- i even was their poster girl as I got to bring my Uhura routine back again!
- beginning an acting career! i sent an application to Maijah Lewk Talent on a lark and I did not expect to even be humored, let alone invited up to join their roster. my time with them was brief but eventful- under Dean Osmon’s guidance i went from audition to audition and managed to book a commercial, SOC role on a tv show and my first Principal acting role in the short span of a summer. i even got to score a gig on my own as a body-double on a major FOX television show for a few days, which was a pretty awesome experience, if i can be honest!!
this of course doesn’t count the other amazing and transformative experiences i’ve had this year, which included my new-found appreciation for all things magical, and of course marrying the love of my life. even when i am despondent in my bed over the darker days, i know and recognize that i have had moments that still shine brighter. i wouldn’t trade them for smoother sailing.
this year’s theme for me is Courage. last summer i resolved to myself that i was going to live a more authentic life- one devoted to the cultivation and creation of a creative life, for both myself and my people. i knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but it could only be possible if i was brave enough to go for it. i intend to continue that decision into 2016.
i will need this Courage more than ever now- in a few days i will be returning to my motherland of the Bahamas… for an unknown length of time. i will have to leave my beloved husband behind, in the care of our treasured family of friends that we have cultivated here. i will return after a 3 year absence, to a place that probably still sees me as the young person i was when i left for the first time over 6 years ago.
instead they will receive a woman, wholly transformed in body and spirit. with glitter in her hair and magic in her lungs. i will leave smoke in my footsteps and adorn my eyes with stars, move like water and seep into the earth, taking what i can learn and give birth to something new. i will attempt what i thought impossible [living as a magically-minded showgirl] in a world that is woefully unprepared. New Years’ resolution are a bit cliche’ but 2016 is the year that i no longer wait for my desires to fall into my lap, at the behest of others’ benevolence. i shall take it by the horns and will it to submission, with only a smile and a word. and i can only do this if i possess the Courage to do so.
Courage. i repeat this word in the silence of the night. a spell that grows in strength as i gaze upon the moon, as i hold my lover’s hand, committing his touch and his smile to memory. Courage.
Courage. to make my mark and manifest the power i see in myself.
Courage. to keep moving forward when circumstances are bleak.