well… i’m here. a frantic weekend of goodbyes, packing and serious tears shed [loneliness, remembrance, mourning], two early-morning flights and some serious lack of sleep, i’ve returned to the country of my birth, the Bahamas. my parents were overjoyed at my return, of course, and i was also glad to be able to see them, as it has been a while since i last saw them [SKype convos don’t really count, after all].
there is a lot that has changed in Nassau. the national airport looks beautiful and far more professional than the extremely dated version i have in my memories [trust me folks, it was bad!]. there are new roads, and new pockets of construction all over. familiar restaurants that i just assumed would be around forever- suddenly are not there anymore. a few have been replaced, but many just sit empty, derelict. a faded memory of what was once there.
there is a lot that is familiar too, even if the coats of paint suggest otherwise. political pundits still thrive on the radio airwaves [and more importantly, people still use the radio here!]. for every familiar sight now long gone, there are many that still remain standing, unchanging. and my childhood home is still cozy and familiar- even with the obvious lifestyle changes my parents have made now that their kids are grown. my darling lovebirds are still darling. the area is still quiet and peaceful- until someone gets overzealous on the long strip of road and decides it’s prime time to test out their bitchin’ new engine, of course. the food and drink is still delicious. and my parents are still the funny, caring and awesome people that i’ve always known. falling back into a steady, joking rapport with them is painless, and though i still am testing the waters about how i can talk around them [after all, i am married now], nothing feels forced or out of place.
it is truly a surreal experience, being home, and i am grateful that my family has not paraded me around town so that i have to play catch-up with a whole bunch of people- i stayed indoors for a lot of the day and basically worked at my own pace. but in the moments like now that i am alone, my parents now slumbering and i have the house to myself, i still close my eyes and feel the hole in my heart that persists the longer that i am absent from my husband, and the family of friends that i have made. i got to hear his voice again, but it’s not the same as being able to wrap my arms around him and watch as he works, or having him join me in bed with a story from reddit to make me laugh before we settle in to sleep.
this is something i never want to get used to- his absence. it’s only made the resolve to get back to him all the stronger.